Dalen's Journal, Part Seven

Not so much mayhem in this twenty-four hours actually, at least on my end. I didn't walk into any traps, didn't get shot, didn't skewer anyone. I did manage to get poisoned, but that was happily anticlimactic -- though I do wonder who was out to get the Tellurian Ambassador and his guests.

It's almost dawn, and the day will be bittersweet. Sweet because we managed to be proactive about something -- perhaps found a way to allow the Oleai to live in Shadow. Galen is willing to work with us, as long as he doesn't have to sell the farm. Random is willing to do likewise, with the same proviso. Now we just have to get Telluria's red tape out of the way before we can see if this plan will work.

I'm worried about the time factor. Who knows how long it will take Telluria to approve the use of their laboratories for this enterprise? How long does Teran have before he'll become ill from Pattern? I suppose it's entirely possible to dip back into the Vitae once in a while ... keep him from becoming ill. Sh'shari will be very busy with the war, and so it may be safer for me to enter the Vitae now than it has been in the past. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

I suppose Teran be safe with me ... as safe as with anyone in Amber. I don't want to put him in the Castle -- I don't want Lore finding out, or anyone else up there who may have links to Sh'shari and/or Osric. Len has links to Osric, but supposedly he's on "our side". I have links to Galen and Sh'shari ... but that's another story. Perhaps it would be best if Teran stays here at the Rose. Rhyss is nearby, and I can always ask Merik to guard him.

There are a good many "probablys", "supposes" and "what ifs" running through my head. The only surety I have is that it is our responsibility to find a way to allow everyone to live together -- even in a fragile peace. It must be possible to do so. It must.

Although I was mortified when I babbled to Galen about the offensive beginning this morning against the Moonriders, upon reflection I can't in all honesty think he didn't know. It's not as if an army is a subtle thing. You don't mobilize a fighting force of the size of the one that is in Helmwind and expect people not to notice -- or not to assume that any day is THE day.

It's a bitter thing that we're going to see bloodshed this morning. I don't want either side to win or lose, I'd rather them just cease and desist. There's been enough loss already. If Benedict takes out yet another Ghenesh leader, it might be easier to sway the rest to follow Galen's lead -- or it might turn Sh'shari into a martyr for the cause and solidify the hatred of the Ghenesh against Amber. Does anyone really win in a war? I wonder what Benedict's and Maladin's objectives are for this offensive? No one has asked -- yet.

Yes, yes, yes. I'm worried. It feels like there are too many strands to this situation, and several are still huge unknowns. It feels like a noose is tightening around our necks, and we haven't done enough to keep it from strangling us. What does Osric want? What is it he wants?? How does his malicious, evil band of life-sucking personages fit into the situation with the Amberites and the Oleai?

Are we even fighting the right enemy? Intuition says that Osric is playing us for fools, all of us. If we're not careful, he will get what he wants (whatever it is) while the rest of us wipe each other out ... clearing his way most handily.

I'm glad my intuition is usually wrong. Too bad I can't dismiss it entirely from my mind.

There has to be something else I can do. Something! Being the ultimate blood-donor to an almost extinct race of people is necessary, yes, but it seems so passive! I want to DO something -- I'm at a loss to know what, though. Damn this feeling of helplessness!

Sitting here and brooding over it won't solve anything. Time to get a move on. I have a few stop I want to make today, then I believe it's time we take a trip to Lentaro's Shadow. Time is of the essence, and if I don't know what I'm doing, I can at least start looking for answers to outstanding question. There are certainly enough of them.