Aaron's Journal, Part Eight

It's good to see that nothing changes when you're gone. Well, except maybe for the worst.

Maladin was able to speed me my way back to Amber. We talked about plans for the Oleai - funny it took me so long to find out what their new name was. I still don't trust them - I think it's humorous that the only demand that they have been able to get from them is that "they won't attack us". Yeah, well they may just decide to change their mind, or take the "honorable" way out - they'll come up with a whole new reason to kill us when they become retrovirused or genofixed or whatever those Tellurian people are doing to them. Dalen's such a dumb cluck. I can bet you she has no alternative plan if things go sour.

I know they will pull something. They may have all of the best intentions, but I can tell you they probably have spies in that migration of people they have planned - and if it actually does act like a virus, what's not saying that a spy wouldn't go to his people and infect them.

Well, I have something planned for the waveriders.

I think the worst thing about my visit back was my lecture with Random. He was King and I was Fool, and I was verbally spanked for my deeds. As if I need a jerk like him telling me all of the things I've done wrong already?! I'm very well aware of the number of people I've killed and I've done so much to try to make amends for the things I have done aside to ripping my own heart out and hoping I could erase my mistakes with my blood. The last thing I need is him telling me the story of Brand! Great Unicorn, there are people out there that want to commit Genocide on us, and he goes on to me about that if our battles are won with the tactics they use, we're just as bad? Others that want sweet revenge on us with their warped Pattern, razing entire towns, kidnapping and murdering people so that they can become mindless zombies?! Fuck that! If he didn't want the jewel to fall in the hands of a ten year old, he should have never given it to the vacuum entity known as my mother.

Yes, I know the stuff I do is... stupid, dangerous, I'm sure Dalen at this point could come up with better descriptive words. But all of the "safe" thins I've learned are doing exactly squat to protect Amber and the people I care for. So, I have to risk my own life to do that. The theories on going into a massive psychic battle with that "wave warping" possibility - now that I know the limits and dangers of doing that again, if I knew where they were I could possibly destroy them without ever setting foot in a wave. I'll probably kill myself.

At this point, I wonder if it's worth it. I think I've reached a point. I either need to continue up my path of destruction in the name of the protection of Amber, or just let them deal with it. If I had it my way, I'd wipe those Oleai off the face of this universe, and apologize for the rest of my life that they ever had to exist for their miserable lives.

Speaking of which, I had dinner with Calissera. She wants power. Who knew, she really is a social piranha. Wonderful. I've barely thought about court, much less actually attended it. She says she has my best interests at heart. Yeah, right. She sure does have interests - her own little agenda. If I just knew she had a bit of a soul and gave a damn about something true, I just might have a shred of respect for her. As far as I can see, I'm a quaint package of meat to her ready to be beaten, cooked to her liking, eaten, and then thrown up for bulimia's sake. Why can't I meet better women? Oh, that's right, I'm too busy destroying reality.

Bleys is missing. I realized how much I missed talking to him as I was searching through the shadow storm for him. I feel so terrible... one of my only friends I have, and the time I really need to talk to him he's gone. I really hope he's not dead. I should have spent more time with him when he was visiting in the castle. Who knows where he is right now. I'm worried sick.

Well, the next week should prove interesting. I do have to say, all of this tech stuff is really neat. I'm thinking of picking up one of their voice to text translators. Save some ink, that's for sure. I'm really interested in their science, but I'm really sticking around to bug Lentaro. It's driving him up a wall that I'm making myself so snug here. Could be fun.

Well, I plan to talk to Dalen - it'll probably erupt into an argument, and she'll try to skewer me. Fortunately, I can turn her brain into that of a greenish mold. We all have our talents.

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