Aaron's Journal, Part Nine

I think to myself that this page of my journal would be so much better if it were blank.

I'm really not sure what happened - it still seems like some sort of bizarre dream, as if nothing had ever truly happened. But I can still remember everything vividly, and everyone else seems to share the same horrific remembrance.

We were.. I think we were someone else. Or someone else was using us as some sort of source for power. Or maybe our souls were moved to these vessels for some reason? No, that can't be. Then again Aaron, you've proven that mind and body do not necessarily need to match and can be altered. It was horrid. I remember being in the Tellurian research station, and then just... being there. As if I had always been there. That noise.

It was a screaming sound - of maybe machinery? Some sort of engine. I vaguely remember it had some sort of pattern to it, but I still can't tell he "shift"? I wouldn't be surprised on that one. Would darn well be a good reason for me to "neuter" them of their Pattern knowledge. Too many damned questions.

That's what I don't understand! It wasn't me. Or, I couldn't figure out it wasn't me at the time.

There were the others. From what I understand there was also Len, Dalen, Rhyss, and... Maladin? I haven't gotten a hold of him yet, so there's no way to be sure. Could something had gone wrong with the battle between us and Nero? Could the technology and Pattern use of Telluria be responsible for the "shift"? I wouldn't be surprised on that one. Would darn well be a good reason for me to "neuter" them of their Pattern knowledge. Too many damned questions.

I don't want to write this - I don't want to remember this.

I just want to forget all of it - but now that it's violated the part of me that I'm rather fond of, I'm going to have to find it and put a heavy stop to it. Just what I need with everything else going on.

I want a vacation.

I remember that the last place I was at that I really enjoyed was when I was up in the woods during the fall. I invested some money in a cabin on shadow Earth back in my teens and a large expanse of land all around it. Well, okay, it's really not a cabin rather a really nice townhouse I had built to my specifics. But I like it.

It's big enough for me. I originally put it together so I could just get away from Mother and study in peace. But after spending a few days there, I realized it was just a good place to have quiet time and get away from it all. Before then, I had always had a problem "calming down". I still do - sometimes when too many things happen, I get riled up.

Ugh, everyone must think I'm a complete nutcase by this point. Or could it be that I'm trying to plan the death of races in the back of my mind? Or that recently my mind has been in another body I don't even know?

I really need a vacation.

Or a girlfriend. Yeah, right. Let's get someone I might be interested in into all of the hell that I deal with. Or maybe I should just get Calissera. It would seem fitting, the only things she wants to dig her nails into is all of my position and title in the court to propel herself to higher station. She seems the marrow sucking type, doesn't she? Just fitting for you Aaron...

As I look at my words inscribed on the paper, I think it would be best to just stop this tangent of self-pity, hate, whatever it is and go do something about it.

Go find a target to vent my frustrations on.

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